Jesse Crain was sitting alone in the clubhouse, his head hanging down to his knees, because he'd been a bad bad boy and gotten a certain blog writer convinced he was over this kind of nonsense.
Elsewhere in the clubhouse, the rest of the team was scratching their heads, wondering what went wrong.
"I think things really went downhill when the roof started leaking," Lil' Nicky Punto said.
"Yeah. That was a lot of water coming through. Maybe a different company should have built the new roof," agreed a dejected, sad Jason Kubel.
"Yeah. I mean, I like the fact they painted the ceiling to look like the sky so we don't have trouble tracking fly balls, but it's a brand new stadium. The roof shouldn't leak."
"It's a field," corrected Ron Gardenhire, "A field. And it doesn't have a roof. That stuff falling on you is called rain, guys."
"No, no, no," laughed future hall of famer and 2010 People's Sexiest Man Alive Joe Mauer. "Rain happens OUTside, we were INside, playing baseball."
Gardy drew a deep, heavy sigh, before opening a bag of the official sunflower seeds for the Target Field Clubhouse After A Loss to Boston. He looked over at Scotty Ullger, and with a nod, prompted him to talk.
"Guys," Ullger said, "Target Field doesn't have a roof that's painted to look like the sky. That is the sky you're seeing."
"Well even if it is glass or some futuristic thing like Transparent Aluminum, it's still really leaky, Pat Neshek interupted, while technicians checked over his wonky robot throwing arm.
"It doesn't have a roof, guys! It's the sky up there! The stadium-"
"Field," Grady corrected.
"The field has four walls and no roof. No top. No tiles, no tarp, no glass, no transparent aluminum. Nothing. Nada."
"Well that's just silly," said Justin Morneau. "Who forgot to build the roof and why did we let them get away with it?"
"No one forgot," Ullger moaned, clearly tired of this conversation. "The building was desinged that way. Didn't any of you see any of the commercials for OUTDOOR BASEBALL'S RETURN TO MINNESOTA?"
"Oh," said J.J. Hardy. "So that's what that was all about. Mystery solved! Here we were worrying that the roof was going to collapse, when if fact, there IS no roof to collapse. That's why we lost. Mystery solved!"
Ullger and Gardy surveyed the locker room for a minute, silent snd stoic, the anger etched clearly in their eyes. Finally, they turned and walked out silently, leaving the boys to talk amongst themselves.
"Hey," said Neshek to John Rauch, "What's the deal with Crain over there, all by himself?"
"Oh, he pissed of some no-name blogger in North Dakota who posted a snarky remark about today's performance online."
"He's that upset about it?"
"Jesse's a very sensitive man."
"I guess so. Maybe if I flip him off it will lighten the mood?"