Thursday, May 10, 2007

Big Fish in a Small Pond

I remember it like it was two days ago. The Twins were down, 4-1, in the eighth inning, seemingly lost to the dispair of another humbling defeat. Where were the Piranah's teeth, I asked myself, before wondering where I should put the question mark in this sentence?

Then, it happened. The crafty, cranky veteran known as Mike Redmond hit an infield single - and remained unscathed himself over the course of the game, for once.

Little Nicky Punto, full of love, life, song, and cheer, got to the plate and said to himself, "I'm gonna hit this ball as hard as I can!" And he did - he mustered up all of his tiny muscles' strength and hit a single to center field.

Next up was Jason Bartlett, who apparently has remembered that he knows how to hit a baseball. "Who are we?" he shouted, as he hit an RBI double to deep right, that would have scored Little Nicky Punto if his legs weren't so, y'know, little.

"We're the f'n Piranahs!" shouted Luis Castillo, who grounded out to third, but more importantly, got Little Nicky home safely so his mommy could tuck him in.

Kubel was so excited by the two - yes, TWO run inning, that he struck out.

"I ain't no damn piranah," said Torii Hunter, "but I AM damn pretty," and then he delivered a pretty single to center field which scored Bartlett, and tied the game.

Bartlett almost won the game in the ninth, by almost getting an RBI hit, that almost (well, not almost) wasn't caught by those damn bitch sox. Stupid bitch sox.

And then, in the tenth, after two innings of bitch sox batters grounding the fudge out, Luis Castillo got himself a double. He would've grounded out to third, but their wasn't anyone to drive home, so what's the point, he thought.

Kubel was so excited by the extra base hit, he struck out again.

Torii Hunter was then intentionally walked to put a runner on first for a potential double play. As Torii walked his pretty self intentionally to first base, he knew there would be no double play, because when Cuddy goes out, he goes out in style by hitting a foul fly ball near first base - no ground ball bullcrap here.

And that's when Justin Morneau got sick of this extra innings crap (both the game he was playing in and the blackout restrictions from those boneheads at Bud Selig's office), and decided to end things dramatically by hitting the baseball approximately 9,000 feet (15,000 metric feet) into the upper deck of a passing Airbus.

"I'm no piranah!" he yelled, smiling as he rounded the bases, "I'm a Great White North Shark!"
At home plate, Little Nicky Punto held his arm as high as he could to pat Justin on the butt. "How about we call you a Piran'eh'?"

"No," said Justin. "That sounds stupid."

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